He’s saying and doing all the right things, but the past haunts me. The fact that our communication styles never meshed seemed like an afterthought. Chances are, they regret that they lost you, NOT necessarily their behavior. What adult thinks a situation over and says: “Hmm, I could a) have an uncomfortable conversation letting her know that I’m under stress right now and not ready for a relationship…or b) I could disappear from the face of the earth, refuse to return her calls, and leave her wondering what she did wrong?Although he is great in many ways, I question his integrity. Evan, can he really be a good guy who just got scared and bolted, or I am I right to wonder about the strength of his character? Maybe someone will drop some weight if the doctor says it’s healthy, or someone will go to therapy when depressed, but, for the most part, we are who we are. Which is kind of silly, because if you can’t communicate, there IS no relationship, no matter how strong your feelings. I think I’ll choose B.” For all I know, Dee Anna, he could be completely reformed.You say this guy is saying and doing all the right things now. If that’s not good enough for you, then bail on him right now, because if he’s sincere it’ll just be harder on you both later. If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at I’m 32 and have been divorced a year.One person may be hoping for a more serious commitment and the other gets scared away as a result of the more intense expectations.Communication is key to getting through those types of difficulties but it can be challenging to raise those issues if the other person is reluctant to talk about them.Reading your books and blog made me realize the mistakes I’d been making with men; namely falling into the pursuing role or coming off as desperate for a relationship.Two months later this man wrote to me and apologized.
He says that walking out on me was a huge mistake and that he hasn’t been able to forget me.
He insists that I didn’t do anything wrong but can’t really give me a straight answer as to why he disappeared, except that he was under an incredible amount of stress at work at the time and shut a lot of people out.
A short time ago he asked me for another chance yet again, and I finally succumbed because I haven’t been able to forget him either. I can tell he’s a lot more emotionally “there” than he was before. But let’s not forget: these are the same people who were cold, callous and clueless enough to disappear in the first place.
Send a little note saying, “What’s a guy like you doing in a place like this?
” Neither of you is doing anything to be ashamed of, so quit thinking you are. And look, if the thought of dating has you so freaked out, maybe you aren’t ready yet. I don’t know the details of your marriage or divorce or the relationships that followed it, but you do say you had to take a few months to “get it together.” Maybe you jumped back into dating too soon following your divorce. Be honest with yourself, though, and give yourself permission to sit things out a bit longer until the wounds have healed.