” “If you can both speak the other person’s language, there are probably going to be disagreements about what language to speak.My husband and I have a system where we swap languages every day – so today is an English day, and tomorrow is Japanese.After publishing the article “The Truth About Dating In Japan As A Foreigner” a lot of female readers asked me what it’s like to date a Japanese guy.Many seemed to be interested in cultural differences and resulting problems in the relationship between a foreign woman and a Japanese man.It was an interesting journey and I want to thank all of the participants for taking the time to tell us about their own unique story.“I moved to Japan when I was 18 and have been dating Asian guys ever since. I often hear girls who long for Asian boyfriends say that Western guys are dogs, and I can confidently say that Asian men are no different.
We eventually stopped speaking Japanese and now I’m actually unable to speak Japanese in front of him (shy, embarrassed … I actually forget that he’s Japanese and that he can speak Japanese.” After we got married we had some trouble with things like housework and money, but I’m not sure if that’s just him, a Japanese trait, or normal married life.Even after we’d been broken up for a few months he’d still write to me and ask what I was doing and how I was …” When I started dating my husband, I didn’t really feel that we had any cultural barriers.I guess because by then I’d been in Japan long enough that I knew my way around and I had lived with two Japanese host families, so I have a good sense of Japanese manners and customs.He doesn’t expect me to cook Japanese food and he doesn’t measure me by my miso soup making skills (I’ve gotten told by MANY people that my husband will basically judge me on my miso soup).We do have a lot of trouble communicating when we fight and again I’m not sure if it’s a language issue, culture, or just us …” “I actually have a big problem with people prefacing their relationships with their significant other’s ethnicity. And I hate it when people act like I won a prize or ‘got’ something special because he’s Japanese. him.” “Every guy I’ve ever been in a relationship with has been different from the last, but I suppose dating a Japanese guy has the added spice of major cultural differences, as opposed to just differences in hobbies or upbringing.Those that stand true to who they are seem to be the ones who find solid relationships. What we consider common sense is very different.” “When I first started dating my husband he was embarrassed to hold hands with me in public.In my case, for instance, men are quick to bring up the topic of bikinis and love hotels the minute I mention I’m Latina. For a long while, after the loss of someone I planned on spending my entire life with, I gave in to that stereotype and was unable to get involved in a serious relationship.” “Now, I’m in a happy relationship with an older man who doesn’t speak a lick of English or Spanish, which is my main language. For one, I’m very passionate in my way of moving and speaking, and I sometimes forget to respect personal space. This applied more in Japan than when we were in England, although now he seems completely okay with it.But there’s nothing we can really do other than keep studying and keep trying.So for that part, a significant amount of patience might be necessary.” “Another difference I noticed has to do with taking care of the household.However, the deeper things went, the more difficult it was to understand each other.Even when we broke up it was long and drawn out and he wanted to ‘stay friends’ which I’ve heard is what most Japanese guys like to do.