And, what do you know, yeah that was the comment that was playing in my mind when I woke up this morning. Sometimes, my ex girlfriend would find other women attractive and I didn’t mind.I’m open to the idea that people can have multiple types, that just because someone is into — say — blondes doesn’t mean they’re not into me. The first conclusion that I jumped to was One of the ways men absolve themselves for responsibility for their own sexual feelings is to make an identity out of it, and act as if their desires are out of their control because it’s just “who they are.” You see this this narrative clearly in the gay community (“I was born this way”) but it also happens with straight guys too.For the “not my fault” narrative to hold, when a man has a long day at work, if he’s tired, or sick, or whatever and doesn’t get turned on, it can’t be his be things he has agency over — things like, his own openness to trying new things, for example, and that’s threatening. Because when fat chicks turn men on (and they do) a man feels like a pervert for himself be attracted to a fat chick.He feels like he has succumbed to his creepiness, or the “weakness” of his sexuality.And, while I appreciate the feminist research that has gone into things like studying how this commercialist exploitation of hyper-beautiful models impacts women, I feel like we may be getting a little led astray here.Because here’s the thing; when I was dating women, I still saw those images; they just didn’t bug me as much.
I remember one guy telling me, after I told him about the assault, that he thought society would be better if men were chemically castrated.Stewart previously discussed her love life in the November issue of Elle, saying she embraces her fluid sexuality."I'm not ashamed, and I'm not confused," she told the magazine. Society doesn’t allow for the blame-absolving narrative of “that girl turned me on so much it wasn’t my fault” when it comes to a fat chick because society pretends fat chicks aren’t hot.That’s where all this male anger at big women comes from; it’s not because men don’t desire them, I experienced some version of this the other night.And then I was like, oh yeah — this is that feeling from back when I had boyfriends. Like I am not worthy of being loved because of how I look. I feel almost physically sub-human, as if any man who looks at my naked body without saying something cruel is doing me a kindness. When I was dating women, and when I was not dating, I didn’t really stress out about my appearance.I haven’t had one in over 5 years, and I kind of assumed that those old weird insecure feelings I used to have were something I just matured out of. Apparently what happened is that I stopped dating dudes. Like, that any man who is with me is only settling because he can’t get what he really wants. Sometimes I looked good, sometimes I looked bad and I feel like I had a fairly objective sense of the whole thing. I was able to see, in an objective sense, that my hair was fine (strangely, better than normal) my skin was fine.girl was giving him feelings of shame/creepiness and he was looking to mitigate those feelings by reinforcing the narrative and identity that had absolved him of those feelings before.And, the “skinny girl” narrative works because it’s conventional; it’s something a “non-creepy” dude might be into.Even when they compliment me, I often feel worse, and I think it’s because any compliment that cuts their emotionality out of the loop leads me feeling — bad, objectified, ashamed. Writing it all out did help me feel less fat, but I’m also not too sure how deeply I want to engage with male sexual shame.Something like that.“You are so hot,” feels worse than “I am so turned on by you right now.” If I’m hot, there is no connection, no caring. That shit is one of the the most toxic parts of toxic masculinity.