What gets their attention is you getting your shit together to protect yourself from their entitlement. Now seven points later, you want us to discard that and not believe any of it? I advise some of these very things myself — don’t beg and plead. If you can’t be vulnerable and need of your family’s help, who else is there? Oh no, I’m sure you were going to bake those cookies, take up bonsai gardening, and deep clean the carpets for your very own benefit and not to Make the Marriage a Better Place to Be. And yet, most of this advice is patently ridiculous and predicated on remaining a chump. If ever you needed help from family members, it’s when your spouse runs off with an affair partner, or eats cake at your expense. But if this is some kind of silent treatment to goad them into taking an interest? I don’t think you should chase, but I don’t think you should be some passive-aggressive Look At Me! It’s like advising someone whose kid was hit by a drunk driver to be “cheerful” and “attractive.” Are you aware of the magnitude of LOSS this is, Michelle Weiner-Davis?
But let’s face it — we all lose our cool when we’ve been cheated on.
They don’t fuck people they meet on Craiglist out of fear and hurt — they fuck people out of entitlement.
When things make you feel bad and you live in darkness, that’s usually a pretty good sign those things suck and you should give them up.
That’s like the Richard Pryor line “Who you gonna believe?
” Cheaters don’t speak in “absolute negatives” because they are “hurting and scared.” They speak that way out of contempt and disrespect. They demonize their spouses to justify their selfishness.