It was necessary for me to spend some time alone, to sort through my regrets and triumphs and decide from a balanced perspective, what I was looking for in “next.”So, maybe by examining and sharing some of the joyful things I look for in a woman, I can better understand my motivations, and you can better understand the male sex impulse that is often troublesome and misguided. She was not ready for any relationship beyond just holding hands and a sweet peck on the lips at the end of a snuggly evening. For me, it wasn’t really about unresolved issues, but I did let a distant dating relationship go on for a long time, thinking my yes-mind was going to convince her to sleep with me. We’d not been able to work out the first “hello” date. And all of them about an hour before we were scheduled to meet.But first, let’s get one thing straight: I am not an apologist for men and their bad habits. I’m so happy I could sing the Pharrell song all day long. I was accommodating even after the third, “I can’t meet this morning.When a few too many red flags come up early in a relationship, it’s OK, at this stage in our lives to just say, “Later.And good luck.”When you are still reeling from the collapse of your marriage, you might be ready for some free love, but the completion of the work needed to actually enjoy it is still a few months or years down the road.When the chemistry is right between us, it’s possible that these clues, or tells, are going to resonate between us. And while none of them turned into the long-term relationship I am ultimately seeking, I learned a lot from every experience.And really, that’s the message I want to get across. We have no idea what life is supposed to be like after divorce.And when you are still reeling from the collapse of your marriage, you might be ready for some free love, but the completion of the work needed to actually enjoy it is still a few months or years down the road.♦◊♦For me, it was indeed, several years before I was ready (am ready) to enter into a joyful relationship.
I am aware of my tendencies towards obsession or over-thinking.
When I am free of these habits I am more confident that I am actually ready to try for a relationship again.
Be aware of your seeking patterns and when they are out of balance, or overblown, you might dial back your intensity a bit and examine what’s going on for you.
If she’s reset three times, and within an hour of our meeting … I listened to them talk about how great their kids were. So if I go in for the arm brush too early, be aware that I’m feeling you out for your touchy-feely level. Sure, I am illustrating a point, but I’m trying to sense out your touchy-feely scale. Or does touch/hugging/kissing/sex come with deeper reservations? And when I touch you, it IS casual, but I am looking for clues to how you will react later on.
Why do I think she’s going to be a different person in actual relationship. I even listened to their funny online dating stories. Almost as a technique to satisfy my marriage, a counseling recommendation, “Just listen. And if I’m too touchy, I might be showing my own emptiness or hunger. I’m not doing it in a creepy or manipulative way, but you need to know I’m doing it. My pools of reflection were deep, and I thought I was showing my deep feeling.